Console gaming

6 stupid things you shouldn’t do with your Xbox Series X

Imagine: you’ve waited days, weeks, or months for the Xbox Series X to arrive, and instead of playing games on it – or being scummy and reselling it for profit – YOU DECIDE TO BLOW VAPE SMOKE INTO IT. You could’ve purchased a fog machine for a fraction of the price, but you’d rather trash your shiny new console. In a saner world this article wouldn’t exist, but that’s not the world we live in. Here are 6 stupid things you shouldn’t do to your Xbox Series X.

Blow vape smoke into it

Let’s get this out of the way first: if you aren’t quitting smoking, why are you vaping? Leave vaping behind in the 2010’s. Your vape moves are weak, and you should feel bad about them.

Use it as a Ping Pong paddle

The ping pong ball won’t damage the Xbox Series X, but your uncoordinated motor skills will. I can guarantee you will drop this machine attempting to hit a ping pong ball to your friend filming a TikTok. If you insist on messing around with your Xbox Series X, do this instead.

The secret Xbox Series X ping pong ball feature is real!

Download Call of Duty: Warzone

Call of Duty: Warzone has a file size of 136 GB on the Xbox Series X. That’s over 1/10 of your internal hard drive space. You might as well take out 1/10 of the price you spent on the Xbox Series X and literally light it on fire.

Worship it like a deity

Don’t let me be the one to tell you who or what to worship for the most part. I get it, the console wars are real, and people feel deeply about their spiritual allegiance to one gaming machine over another. That said, I’m sure we can collectively agree to add the Xbox Series X to the list of things to NOT worship, next to Furbies, the Miami Dolphins, Kanye West, and rice.

xbox series x funny
Xbox Series X – 2001: A Space Odyssey

Use it as a cutting board

The Xbox Series X’s aesthetic absolutely makes it look at home in the kitchen, and it kind of looks like a Barnes and Noble cutting board from the side. And guess what, it’s very flat and sturdy, so it probably makes a decent cutting board. So don’t use it as a cutting board. It’s not that you can’t use it, more that you shouldn’t use it as a cutting board.

Put your cat on, in, or beside it for any reason

Cats are awful sweet misunderstood animals that can knock your console off its resting spot. Don’t be surprised if your stupid adorable cat “accidentally” knocks your Xbox Series X over, breaking essential components the console needs to run.

Steve Vegvari, you’re so lucky this wasn’t you sizing up your cat beside your PS5.

WCGW Comparing your cat’s size with the PS5 from Whatcouldgowrong

To everyone who went into this with unsavory plans, treat this article as your guiding light. If you ever find yourself wondering what other stupid things you can use your Xbox Series X for outside of gaming, just remind yourself the one step:

  • Don’t do that.
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Aja Jones

Writer from Toronto, Canada. Can taste the difference between Coke and Pepsi. Learned how to play drums through Rock Band. Named after a Steely Dan album.
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