Cyberpunk 2077 bragged about their state of the art genitals customization. After 7 years of hype, I’m left severely disappointed with the penis choices being strictly Small, Default, or Large – circumcised or not. It’s 2077 and I expect to see a massive variety of genitals, given the cybernetic enhancements Cyberpunk 2077 flaunts in its marketing campaigns. With its rigid choices, this game leaves a lot to be desired, and frankly other games simply have done this part better. Here is a non-exhaustive list of games with better genital customization than Cyberpunk 2077.
None of these games are recommended for children. I absolutely cannot stress that enough.
Mount Your Friends 3D: A Hard Man is Good to Climb
For what Mount Your Friends lacks in size, it makes up for it in creativity. The original hit arcade game, Mount Your Friends, gave players the option to customize their bodies with an array of body paint, expressions, clothing, and genital replacements. If a regular bulge didn’t suit you, maybe a pickle or a banana would suffice?
Mount Your Friends 3D: A Hard Man is Good to Climb upped the ante by including a bulge slider. That’s the first thing Cyberpunk 2077 should add in its next patch: a bulge slider.
Conan Exiles
Conan Exiles did it first. This game made waves with its shocking ability to adjust your avatar’s genitals in a very graphic and real way.
Conan Exiles might have set the standard for realistic gential customization in a video game, which is probably why I had high expectations for Cyberpunk 2077. The endowment slider had two extremes, and Cyberpunk 2077 could’ve taken that further by including that and also offering the option of painting it gold.
Genital Jousting
Genital Jousting has variety. Cut or un-cut, with any color you could want. Genital Jousting phallic character models emote with great expression, and have additional anatomical features that you should never expect to have. This is peak penis customization, and no other game comes closer. It’s not weird to get a group of friends to play this game and compare sizes.
Saints Row: The Third
Behold, the granddaddy of genital customization: Saints Row: The Third. This is one of the first mainstream games to offer a Sex Appeal slider, changing the bulge in your male character’s pants.
Unlike some of the games mentioned above, Saints Row: The Third is far from being overtly graphic, but we just have to honor its legacy in gaming history. This game laid the groundwork for AAA games to make your bulge as small or large as any player could want.
While this article focused on male genitals and the lack of customization, female-identifying players have it even worse in that department. Considering the studio’s claims of inclusivity and representation, the single default vagina preset is an outrage. Where are the options? If you’re going to include dick physics, you might as well go all out and do it right, rather than half-assing it. Actually, don’t even get me started again on booty customization.
Long story short, CD Projekt Red needs to be better. The players demand more, and it better not be packaged under some DLC.
